How to control your emotions so that your emotions don't control you
As you improve your emotional regulation skills, you become mentally stronger.
Control emotions? What to do with these emotions?
Yes, those emotions – those that come out of the blue and take us over as if we were obsessed.
This makes us do or say things we know we'll regret, but we just can't help ourselves.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, you don't need to read any further. However, if this sounds familiar to you, I would advise you to read on.
In my post you will learn the following:
What you can do with strong emotions
How to use meditation to separate the emotions from the story
Three ways you can instantly control your emotions and moods
Emotions are powerful. Their mood determines how much you interact with people, how much money you spend, how you deal with challenges, and how you spend your time.
when you gain control over your emotions, you become mentally stronger.
Fortunately, everyone can regulate their emotions better. As with any other skill, managing your emotions takes practice and dedication.
You can experience your unpleasant emotions, just make sure you don't get stuck in them.
Managing your emotions is not the same as suppressing them. If you ignore your grief or pretend that you don't feel any pain, these emotions won't go away.
In fact, untreated emotional wounds will worsen over time. And it's very likely that if you suppress your feelings, you'll lead to unhealthy coping strategies, like watching too much TV, eating or alcohol, etc.
1. So, how can I control emotions or what should I do with those emotions?
For this I would like to offer two ways and suggestions, on the one hand let's take a look at what emotions are and how they arise and on the other hand I would like to give you 3 tips that can help you in everyday life to get the emotional package under control.
Basically, your emotions are neutral, which means that they are neither good nor bad. It's your mind that judges them, it's your mind that says some are okay and some aren't.
It's your mind that makes you feel guilty or wrong when you have certain emotions, but the emotions themselves are never wrong.
So no need to reject them or suppress them or be ashamed of them.
Emotions are simply different expressions of energy and they follow the same principle that the weather follows. There are stormy and sometimes quiet days.
Sometimes it's dark and rainy and sometimes it's bright and sunny. That's life. You can complain and say it shouldn't be rainy, it should be sunny, but who cares? Don't be sure of the weather.
Such thoughts will only make you unhappy and rob you of your peace, that's all. And then you miss the joys of the rain and the mysteries of the seasons.
As a result, your life becomes tighter and more limited, i.e. not very pleasant.
So it is with emotions – they are just energy, sometimes stormy, sometimes sunny. And like all forms of energy, they are constantly changing.
From this point of view, emotions are not harmful, the problem only arises when you are identified with it and believe that you or someone else is the cause of it. Identification is done through your mind.
So you have to stop trying to control emotions through your mind.
For example, when you're sad, your mind always has a reason to tell its story – “I'm sad because my boyfriend prefers someone else.”
And then we get swallowed up by history, by all the drama that's going on in our heads.
Well, it may be a fact that your boyfriend has found another girlfriend. And it may be a fact that you feel sad as a result. This is the reality.
Once you acknowledge this reality, you have a choice.
You can either get lost in the story: what's wrong with you, how can he do it to you, how can you go on without him now, etc., etc.
You can chew through this number now for days, weeks, months – and we all know exactly how to do it.
What can help you get out of the dilemma of your mind? For me, there is only one good remedy and that is. “Meditation and Mindfulness“.
Of course, there are other ways and I'll show you in a moment, but meditation and mindfulness is one of the most effective tools.
2. Meditation allows us to have another alternative.
With the help of meditation, you can separate the emotion from the story that the mind has created around it.
If you pay close attention to your mind, you'll notice that he's constantly chewing on the drama as if he's high and drunk. You can just watch him without giving him too much energy.
Instead, you can focus your attention on the physical sensation of the emotion itself.
The first step is to acknowledge that “sadness is there.”
Note that this is different from “I'm sad.” And then let the sadness be there, as energy, without judging or rejecting it.
It is, after all, just an energy and energy is always neutral.
It is not a question of indulging in emotion and reviving the victim story.
Instead, it's about exploring with an open, non-judgmental heart:
What is the energy of this emotion, sadness? What is the actual physical feeling of it?
Beware of pejorative labels of your mind – for example, the mind might classify the sensation as “severe or stupid,” which is a judgment.
Instead, try to find a worthless word, such as deep or quiet or passive.
Feel more and more – what is the feeling of this energy? And where do I feel it in my body? Move your attention from the mind to your body.
You'll find that sadness actually has depth and even sweetness. Make your own discovery.
You will find that all the different emotions have certain energetic qualities. For example, anger can be a passion, a fire.
You can cleanse an entire house with the energy of anger if you don't distract yourself from that energy, don't distract that energy by worrying about why you're angry.
And the magic is that if you can really allow all the different energies to float through your life, provoked by some situation, then you are no longer their slave. On the contrary, you are the master.
You can see them come and go, enjoy them and use their different energies in a creative way, and become all the richer for it.
And they disappear – by allowing them to be there. When they appear, you must not push them away, you must greet them and observe them, then after a while you will notice:
“The energy has turned into something else.”
One minute you were crying just because there were tears and the body had to throw them away, and the next minute you're laughing.
Just to be clear, using the energies of your emotions in a creative way doesn't mean unleashing them on someone else.
That's definitely a matter of thought, you're trapped again in the reason, the reason, why the emotion is there.
Maybe someone else did something that triggered the emotions, but it's your emotional response, your energy, not theirs.
The anger, or whatever, has arisen in you as your reaction. Acknowledge that the anger has arisen in you and that no one is responsible for it but yourself. the other is never the reason for it, but only the trigger. If you recognize and acknowledge this, then you can use this energy.
If you blame someone, then you miss the point and deny your own energy, not to mention get stuck in an old routine from which there is no way out.
Instead, try to say to the other person, “Anger is coming up inside me right now, and it's my anger, my energy, so I have to run or dance or make a loud scream or kill some pillows.”
Or sit alone and watch it. Or all of the above. Then I can answer you.
Taking responsibility for this being “your reaction” also gives you the opportunity to see what idea or your belief in your subconscious caused that reaction, that energy.
What part of your ego felt hurt or lost or anxious or insecure or guilty? What old wound or fear did the other person unknowingly trigger in you?
It's important that you acknowledge your feelings and at the same time realize that your feelings don't have to control you.
If you wake up on the wrong side of bed, you can just lie down on the other side and your day is saved. You have the opportunity to calm your emotions. If you are angry, you can calm down and if you are sad, you can console yourself.
3. However, there are still three ways to better control your mood:
1. Name your feelings
Before you can change how you feel, you need to recognize what you're experiencing. Are you nervous? Feeling disappointed? Are you sad?
Keep in mind that anger sometimes masks emotions that feel vulnerable—like shame or embarrassment. So pay close attention to what's really going on inside you.
Give your emotions a name. Keep in mind that you'll immediately feel a whole host of emotions — such as anxious, frustrated, and impatient.
When you describe how you feel, the feeling of emotion can decrease. It also helps you see exactly how these feelings are likely to affect your decisions.
2. Renew your thoughts
Your emotions influence the way you perceive events. If you feel anxious and get an email from the boss saying they want to see you right away, you'll imagine it's going to be something awkward.
You might even think you're going to be fired.
However, if you feel happy and you get the same email, your first thought might be that you're going to be promoted or complimented on a job well done.
Your emotional filter is like a pair of glasses through which you look at this world and it is important that you take a step back and look at your thoughts about it.
When you discover that your mind is causing you to think the following with the emotions:
Tomorrow's party is a complete waste of time. No one is going to talk to me and I'm going to look like an idiot,” then remember, “it's up to you how you're going to experience this party.
Just think about it, such as the following:
I will introduce myself to new people and be interested in getting to know them. ”
Sometimes the easiest way to find a different perspective is to take a step back and ask yourself:
“What would I say to a friend who has this problem?”
Answering this question takes some emotions out of the equation so that you can think more rationally.
If you're dealing with negative things, you may need to change the channel in your brain. A quick physical activity, such as going for a walk or cleaning your desk, can help you stop ruminating.
3. Do things that make you happy
If you're in a bad mood, then you're probably stuck in your bad mood program and doing the usual activities that make your condition maintain itself.
You isolate yourself, flip through your phone or jump from one app to another, complain to people around you, moan, etc.
These are just a few of your typical behavioral disorders that make you feel comfortable.
But these things will hold you tight. You need to take positive action if you want to feel better.
You could start thinking about things you do when you feel happy.
Do these things when you're in a bad mood and you'll feel better.
Here are some examples of mood enhancers:
- Call a friend to talk about something pleasant (don't complain further).
- Meditate for a few minutes.
- Listen to good music
- Dance a little
- Make music